Sarah Jong, writing for The Verge about United States v. Apple:

From cloud streaming games to CarPlay, the DOJ complaint tries to rope in the burning grievances of every kind of nerd and then some. The only thing that’s missing is a tirade on how ever-increasing screen sizes are victimizing me, a person with small hands. (At the Thursday press conference, Attorney General Merrick Garland made no mention of how Sarah Jeong would like to see the SE return to its 2016 size.)

You can almost forget this is a lawsuit and not just the compiled observations of a single very motivated poster in The Verge comments section — until you get to page 57. There, the document suddenly changes voice, finally pivoting into a formal communication to a judge. “Mobile phones,” the complaint reads primly, “are portable devices that enable communications over radio frequencies instead of telephone landlines.”

The lawyers who wrote the Justice Department’s complaints against Apple would make for great technology bloggers — even better than me, dare I say. Together, they should create a new blog: Cowardly Snowflake. It’s like Daring Fireball, but written by people who don’t know what they’re talking about. I’d instantly subscribe.

The first part of the Justice Department’s complaint truly reads like a non-fiction “airing of grievances.” It reminds me of the Declaration of Independence, but instead of making good points against the British monarchy, it serves as a poorly researched fantasy of the technology landscape. Now that’s blog-worthy. Seriously, if you have three hours to kill, I’d recommend reading the entire thing just for fun.